My sister died

My sister died

My sister died,

7 years ago tomorrow.

A dramatic passing,

She left the way she had always lived.

 

“So tragic”, they said over and over,

All shocked and completely horrified.

My younger sister took herself out well,

This beautiful woman wasn’t calling out for help or playing games.

 

The neighbors heard firing of a gun

As she used her artistic garden’s statues

As targets

until she was satisfied the kick of that weapon was mastered.

 

An upscale sunporch in northern Georgia,

An elegant patio chair,

Her last Marlboro,

Pools of blood and bits of brain is all she left.

 

October 14th, her beloved granddaughter’s 6th birthday.

The young child lived there with her.

My determined sister was found in her cozy blue and white fleece pajamas

when they arrived home on that gray and drizzly evening.

 

My sister died,

7 years ago tomorrow,

The shattering by her dramatic death,

Invited me to stay open, be vulnerable and become more real.

 

Maureen Frances Siegfried Moltz killed herself in northern Georgia after a four year secret relapse into opiate drug addiction after having a hysterectomy. She decided that life on codeine was easier than life without it and being a nurse was writing herself illegal prescriptions. Maureen had been clean and sober in AA for eight years before that surgery. She had returned to 12 step programs a few weeks before her demise but found withdrawal exceedingly difficult and painful. Demoralized by her inability to withdraw successfully in addition to all the personal problems that were building in her life I imagine she thought she was doing her family a favor by checking out.  Or maybe she had found a way to express her unhealed rage?  She died three months before her 50th birthday. This unique, adventurous, willful, energetic life of the party was living with her husband, son and granddaughter at the time of her death.

We hold you in our hearts and honor you today Maureen and we love you…

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Nothing you see will last

Nothing you see will last

‘Tis one thing,

To say “the world is impermanent”,

Another to really know this,

To get it,

Like really get it.

 

Nothing you see will last.

Not your shiny new relationship,

Nor your young beloved pet

Even your sweet and innocent children

may not make it to old age,

however painful that thought may be.

Nothing lasts in this world,

Why bank your happiness on it?

 

Nothing you see will last.

That glacier is dying,

The mountain changes minute to minute,

The pyramids turn to colored dust one day.

Nothing lasts,

Are you listening?

Nothing lasts.

 

Nothing you see will last,

These typing fingers are disintegrating,

This form you call me a time bomb

About to blow up the minute you look away.

 

Nothing you see will last.

We poison our water supply,

The trees are dying at frightening rates.

I could not bear to live without this forest,

What would be the point?