I heard of my sister’s death just twelve hours before.  I believed back then that suicide did not end your pain. I had been taught that to take your own life was the most grievous of sins, a deplorable act against both God and humanity and that your despair and personal hell stayed with you on the other side. I was imagining she was still in intense emotional distress that was now worsened with guilt and remorse for the additional wreckage she just left behind for us, her friends and all who knew her from years of past involvement in recovery.

 

3am

I awake

Pitch black

Alone in the small rectangular spare bedroom of loving friends.

 

I want to crawl in their bed and be held,

But not sure that would be welcome.

 

Freaked out,

Desperate for comfort,

I phone a sweet and loyal friend.

Shocked, she struggles to absorb and empathize with my news until

I am again somewhat calm and let her go.

 

I lie on my back

In that dark room

Unable to see anything but gruesome images

Of her last moments flashing over and over again in my mind.

 

Suddenly the room fills with brilliant Light.

Gorgeous rays of yellows highlighted with pale rose,

Indescribably more subtle and vibrant than any in our world

Fill me with beauty and awe.

 

The apparition is completely absent of form

But I know

This is my sister.

 

She is thrilled,

Beyond thrilled.

I lie there stunned by how happy she is,

She is back Home.

 

Without word or thought,

She is clearly more than okay.

 

Later her message dawned on me,

“You are Light,

Remember you are Light”.

 

 

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4 thoughts on “October 15th

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